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Resigning from a job sometimes is more stressful than starting a new job.  You may have liked your boss and colleagues or not, but suddenly now that you are moving on, you notice that they are treating you differently. The last two weeks at your old job can be weird and surreal. Some people envy you that you are leaving, while others wonder how they will get their job done without you. Some people are eager to take the job that you are leaving. Some people want to know how much higher pay you are getting or how they could advance their careers outside the company, while others stop talking to you or are rude to you. Friendship, guilt, jealousy, regret, and the selfishness of others, all could get tacked onto your shoulders at a time when you are already uneasy about your own natural concerns related to stepping into a new job. It is no wonder that after resigning their jobs, so many of our candidates tell us that they cannot wait until the notice period is over.                               


BEWARE NERVOUSLY SMILING BOSSES BEARING GIFTS        

Because resigning is no fun, never, never, NEVER resign from your current position as a dare, a taunt or as a bluff, in the hope of getting an employer to "suddenly see the light" and suddenly see your true worth and to give you that long overdue raise or promotion. If your present employer never seems to have the time or interest in giving you a raise or a promotion under ordinary circumstances, it is likely that such is the normal (abnormal) way that that employer conducts business.

It likely is not just you who is treated this way; they may treat everyone this way. And if they cheat you once, they will cheat you again.

If you feel that you need to do such a personally humiliating thing as to beg for a counteroffer from your current employer by waving a job offer from another firm in your boss’ face, you almost certainly have worked far too long at that type of dysfunctional company. You are letting your anger get the best of you when you should be cool, calm, and businesslike. You could certainly do better...but elsewhere!

Remember, counteroffer money comes out of somebody's budget. Also remember that Counteroffer money was never intended to go to you, but suddenly you are seen as forcing your employer to relinquish that money against their long-term plans. A flattering counteroffer may cynically get budgeted out of your next raise(s). A counteroffer might also have been originally meant as money for a new carpet for your boss' office, or to pay for a favorite business junket for your boss. Now you have taken that away, and your boss still has to smile at you and tell you that you are greatly valued and that they have big plans for you. The boss will say that they should have told you about these great plans for you sooner (the pity approach), or that you are forcing them to tell you about these great plans for you ahead of their schedule (the guilt approach). It's just that, well, things have been so busy, and your sudden announcement of another job offer is causing the firm to put in place all the good stuff immediately, just to keep you at the firm. "Don't you feel guilty for making us have to do this???" And if that happens, your boss might even yell at you (the attack approach).

In that kind of abusive environment, it also could be that your very boss who is trying to keep you from leaving, has a nice resume out on the market and is actively interviewing at better firms. (Headhunters sometimes notice things like this, you see.)

Especially if your company is known as a problem company, it could take three or more months for them to find a person who is even remotely qualified to replace you. It is therefore cheaper to buy you off now, get a few months more work out of you, and, in the mean time, quietly search out for your replacement.  Yes, they will want to replace you. You have forced them to pay more for your job than they want to pay and your loyalty to the company is now considered zero.

BE ALERTED!! Many classified advertisements that do not mention the company name are placed to specifically replace existing employees without the incumbent knowing about it. In any case, whatever phony promises of early reviews, raises or promotions, statistics have shown that people who accept counteroffers are usually looking to change jobs again within six months, probably because the same miserable underlying conditions or attitudes still linger. Only this time, with a higher salary, the person now urgently seeking another job might no longer be as attractive to other companies. Some people who take counteroffers erroneously believe that now at a higher salary level due to the counteroffer, the next job should pay higher. Such people frequently end up pricing themselves out of the market. Also, often they end up being fired or they have to quit their jobs. That abrupt, unplanned for situation does not give them much negotiation leverage with other firms, and some people end up with long periods of unemployment or a series of "bad jobs," simply to pay the bills. That was not their intention, but that is what often happens.

For these reasons it is absolutely imperative that one take seriously the possible problems that could happen in resigning from a job. Do not take a resignation lightly. Do not assume that it's an opportunity to win the lottery or to be fought over by two employers. We simply recommend that a person never resign from a job unless the person is 100% serious about a need to leave and that there is a good alternative job offer in hand.


ON CHANGING JOBS AND NOT BURNING BRIDGES

Changing jobs is not a task to be taken lightly. Too many job changes in a resume translate as "job hopper," which translates as "problem candidate" and as "no hire." You do not want to leave your current job unless you have a good reason to do so. If you have accepted another position at another company, it is because you felt your old company no longer could satisfy your career needs. If you like your present employer, hate your present employer, or have mixed feelings about your present employer, it is always necessary for you to keep a cool and level head at resignation time.

• Do not discuss any problems or disagreements that you have had with your boss. Do not discuss any dissatisfaction with company policies, personnel or compensation. What you say might come back to haunt you. Your reasons for leaving are your personal business.

• You are level-headed. You have put your old job behind you. After your notice period, you will be in a new career opportunity, learning new things, meeting new people and rising to new personal and professional challenges. Your strategy here is to leave peacefully and on a good note.

• It is important not to burn any bridges, because you never can tell whom you might see again at some other company. Your hated boss now who forgot to give you a raise when you needed it may five weeks later be working at another company, as your customer or supplier. Let bygones be bygones. Swallow your anger and be happy in knowing that you won your battle by getting out of there. Thank your boss for the time you have spent with the firm. Say you have enjoyed your time, but you are moving on. It is none of their business who your new employer is or what you will be doing there or at what compensation level. Just say that your new employer expects you to start after the notice period, and that you would like to help finish up a few loose ends at work. You ask that they respect your wishes and wish you well. You tell them that your decision is final.  Direct and simple.

If you cannot resign cleanly and smoothly, then you should reject the offer from the other company and be silent about that offer with your firm. Wait for another opportunity. Do not be a games-player with your career, which is what entering into counteroffer negotiations is all about. It is a game that few win, because it invariably gives an indelible "disloyal" mark on the employee for the duration at that firm, or beyond, when other companies do reference checks.


THE DESPERATE BOSS, or THE THING THAT WOULD NOT GO AWAY       

If you have a good boss or several good bosses, they may be professional and cordial and not be surprised that someone of your calibre is moving up and out.  But with some bosses, the following procedure often takes place. We are putting this on the internet because it is so typical, so stereotypical, that we want the world to see this pathetic story-line exposed for what it is: a ruse, a con-game, designed to keep a good employee from leaving for a better job. Like all con-games, the perpetrators try to isolate the victim or make the victim feel unique, and by putting intense and unrelenting supervised pressure, they often obtain their objective of getting a person to surrender a good career opportunity that is better. Like a con game, it is all about money. This is how it goes:

You tell your boss that you are quitting and leaving in a few weeks. The boss is shocked. Your boss' face turns pale as a ghost, imagining the repercussions, or the boss falls silent. The boss may continue being silent for a few hours, even wishing you well.  Or the boss may start to scold you, to tell you how much trouble your departure will cause.

Your boss will talk to the boss at the next rank up for several hours. They will map out several scenarios, each designed to keep you in your cubicle. When your boss comes out of the big boss' office, the boss will now pay you a visit.

You will be told that this news came as a shock to them all. They have been so busy that they forgot to tell you that your promotion or raise was approved last week and that it just needed a couple of signatures!

They will tell you that you have a tremendous future with the company, that in six months there is going to be a big change, but that nothing could be said just now. "It's our secret." They will make you big promises without putting those promises in writing. Your sense of loyalty and teamwork will be appealed to, instead.

When you say, "No thank you, I've already made up my mind," then the tone will turn from flattery and bribery to guilt: about how necessary you are, how you will let down your colleagues, how hard it will be to replace you, etc. (Of course, all these issues are specious. A part of the life of a business is that people will leave and come in, leave and come in.)

When a boss says these types of lines to you, remind yourself that they were not there when you needed them, only when they are inconvenienced by your departure. It is all about money and making their lives easier, not about bettering your long-term career opportunities.

If they tell you that they will need time—a lot of time—to find your replacement, remind yourself that the reason it will take them a long time is because this company or this boss treats people badly or pays people lower salaries.

On and off during your last weeks, they will try different strategies and variables of the above. You may be asked to meet a V.P. you never saw before who will tell you how important you are. One company once arranged for a young engineer and his wife to have dinner with the corporate president; he was so impressed that he turned down his outstanding offer from the other firm, but within three months he began looking again, discovering that all the promises they made him were untrue.

THE BENEFIT OF KNOWING THAT YOU ARE MAKING THE RIGHT MOVE

Always be proud that because of your hard and careful career search, you are now able to harvest the fruits in that orchard of career opportunities that is the world. And this is only the beginning!